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Anus explosion match

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22 Mar Well, things got turned up to a whole new level of absurd this week, as Joey took part in an “Anal Explosion Match.” Let's back up. DDT Pro has recently been purchased by “Donald Trump,” who has (with the help of referee Matsui) made the company aware of a strict ban on shimoneta, which is “dirty jokes. In , Japanese company Frontier Martial-Arts Wrestling held the first-ever Anus Explosion Death Match, where a lit firework up the ass was not only percent legal, it was how to win the match. While these wrestlers certainly could have pinned their opponent or made them submit, when you have the option to stick a. 12 Apr Anus Explosion Death Match: H Vs. Hayabusa Frontier Martial-Arts Wrestling - October 29th, Yes. You read that right. The story here is that Mr. Gannosuke had been donning the Hayabusa mask and calling himself Hayabusa, infuriating the real Hayabusa who's competing in this match as simply H.

Think you got what it takes to write for Cracked. Then submit an article or some other pieces of content. Cracked only offers comment voting to subscribing members. Subscribers also have access to loads of hidden content. Join now and wield the awesome power of the thumb. If you're already an awesome Cracked subscriber, click here to login. Even with its crazy costumes and ludicrous storylines, pro wrestling would be boring as shit if every story was settled Anus explosion match a standard "two guys, three ropes, four corners, and a Foot Locker employee" matchup.

That's why the history of the sport is a never-ending list of increasingly ridiculous and dangerous gimmick matches. As you can imagine, sometimes these go horribly wrong.

Or Anus explosion match right, depending on your point of view:. InJapanese company Frontier Martial-Arts Wrestling held the first-ever Anus Explosion Death Match, where a lit firework up the ass was not only percent legal, it was how to win the match.

While these wrestlers Anus explosion match could have pinned Anus explosion match opponent or made them submit, when you Anus explosion match the option to stick a small explosive into your opponent's ass crack, light it up, and let it fly, why wouldn't you take it? The Asses of Fire match was the latest chapter in a heated rivalry where the masked Hayabusa actually an impostor named Mr. Gannosuke was currently wearing. Just focus on the buttcracker and you'll be fine.

It takes some time to get there though -- surprisingly, neither man is willing to just let the other set his asshole on fire. They spend the first eight minutes engaging in a standard wrestling brawl that spills out into the crowd and all throughout the building.

Then, Hayabusa breaks out a pair of handcuffs. He beats down H some more, throws him into the ring, and teases a boring-ass pinfall victory. But before the count is over, he pulls H up, handcuffs him to one of the corners, and strips him down to his thong. Thousands of fans stand in their seats, all thinking one Anus explosion match I paid money to see this happen. This is my life now. With H helplessly stuck in place, Hayabusa grabs the Anus explosion match, sticks it in his rival's butt, and lights it.

Within seconds it shoots off, prompting the Anus explosion match to Anus explosion match laugh their nuts off. This wasn't semi-professional chuckling -- these guys shriek and Anus explosion match like schoolchildren whose teacher just sat on a tack.

Frontier Martial-Arts Wrestling "This is the way my dignity ends. Not with a whimper, but with a bang. They and the victorious Hayabusa were apparently the only ones who enjoyed this match -- fans, having taken time to evaluate their own life choices, decided anal explosion simply Anus explosion match too much of a stain on their beloved sport and their own souls.

As far as we know, it was never attempted again. By the yearWorld Championship Wrestling had fallen completely off the rails, foregoing basic rules of pro wrestling like "don't make a pound actor your World Champion" and "it's all make-believe.

Angry horse kicks to the face. The rules of a hardcore match are simple: Oh, and pinfalls count anywhere Anus explosion match the planet, meaning not one millisecond of this match has to take place inside the ring. And, in fact, they take less than a minute to leave the goddamn arena entirely. Uber customers hire Terry Funk at their own risk. Candido tosses Funk into the back of a truck and drives 90 seconds over to a nearby stable.

That's the telltale sign your company is going places, when your flagship show airs live to the world yards from an acre of livestock.

Once the truck stops, the fight begins, with the usual wrestling weaponry in full supply -- garbage cans, folding tables, bales of hay, and a wheelbarrow full of horse manure, which Funk eats with gusto. And then, the horses. The captive audience of Mr. Eds are already cheesed off because two angry blobs of flesh are yelling and grunting and throwing things right in front of them. So you can imagine the stress when the two blobs actually enter one of the fucking stables to further do battle.

Why do they do that? Because the script told Anus explosion match to, duh. The horse inside that stable, however, is unaware Anus explosion match such scripted shenanigans. All he sees is chaos. He initially does all he can to stay away, but once Funk piledrives Candido and Candido's leg brushes the horse, shit gets real:. And with that, the match officially becomes unglued. Yes, a one-ton horse just judo-kicked Terry Funk square in the fucking shouldercoming within inches of splattering his brain all over the stable walls.

He then tries to kick Candido too, who wisely backs off. Funk, on the other hand, apparently thinks "horse tries to take my title" is in the script, as he straight-up challenges his equine assailant with, "You fucking horse! I'll kick your fucking ass! That's gonna be you, horse. That is gonna be fucking YOU. Funk ultimately wins the match, which is a decent consolation for almost dying on the job in front of millions.

Funk never materialized, as animal cruelty was one of the few things even WCW wasn't stupid enough to try. Cage matches are among the oldest and most popular gimmick bouts in wrestling history. Normally, they look like this:. Anus explosion match Wrestling Entertainment This is the part where 8-year-old you yells, "Climb out, you idiot! He's on the ground! Plenty of room to run around and smash in the faces of people you don't like.

Anus explosion match Time Wrestling This is the lamest phone booth pile-in ever. Wrestling's known for lying about Anus explosion match, but this Anus explosion match they told the Lord's truth.

They promised a shark cage, and by God they delivered, squeezing two big men -- Chief Jay Strongbow and "Bulldog" Don Kent -- into the tiniest of spaces and ordering them to make an entertaining match out of it. Big Time Wrestling "And no fucking. That would be cheating. This is despite their near-complete inability to move -- Anus explosion match the match inside a goddamn phone booth would've afforded them more wiggle room.

Since neither man could fall down, pinfalls were a complete non-factor. To win, one of these men would have to escape the cage. This required a suspension of disbelief of superheroic proportions on the viewer's part, since either man could reach the escape route -- the door -- without even taking a step. Oh, Anus explosion match it's a shitty shark cage, so the door keeps swinging open by itself. It first happens barely a minute into the bout, meaning if Bulldog had suffered a brain aneurysm and fell backwards, he would've won in record time.

Big Time Wrestling He Anus explosion match have joined the audience, whose brains went dead out of sheer boredom 58 seconds ago. Of course, since the door isn't supposed to open until much later, the referee immediately shuts it and everybody acts like it never happened. And 10 seconds later, when the door opens againthe valiant doorman moonlighting as a referee does it all over again. Big Time Wrestling A hungry shark's wet dream.

And AGAIN -- that goddamn door will not stay shut, almost like it's embarrassed and is doing everything in its power to end the match. Meanwhile, Strongbow and Bulldog continue to punch one another forever because there's no room to do anything else. After yet another bit of door rebellion, the referee finally gets the idea to jam a screwdriver in its hinges.

That might have worked, except Strongbow immediately confiscates it and accidentally opens the door again to use as Anus explosion match weapon, even though he never actually does. Big Time Wrestling That dude's sign speaks Anus explosion match us all. Finally, another wrestler interferes Anus explosion match help Strongbow escape the cage.

Now that the door absolutely, positively has to open, it obviously does not. Strongbow has to visibly struggle to unstick the lock and win the match, which further Anus explosion match us that that shark cage had become sentient and spent the duration of the match in a state of open protest. Big Time Wrestling "Oh, you want to leave? Eat your opponent and I'll consider it. Like most people, Vince McMahon enjoys Thanksgiving.

Unlike most people, he once chose to celebrate it by having two Anus explosion match his employees roll around in a giant wading pool filled with thick, brown gravy. World Wrestling Entertainment With extra stuffing. For the titlebecause a true champion doesn't just pin her opponent or make her submit -- she does so while rolling around in a tub of creamy meat juice.

World Wrestling Entertainment "Don't bother saying grace, I've already forsaken you all. For whatever reason, the WWF decided to have these girls sit down for a lovely meal before rolling around in the gravy. This being wrestling, the meal immediately degenerates into a food fight.

Mashed potatoes are flung everywhere, Keibler gets slimed with a pitcher of apple cider, and Trish damn near snaps her Anus explosion match while taking an old-timey saloon ride right into a wall. Yes, even in perhaps the most pointless segment in wrestling history, somebody almost got hurt. World Wrestling Entertainment "Artists must suffer for their art. Finally, they enter the gravy pool so this five-star extravaganza can truly begin.

And while McMahon was Anus explosion match envisioning sexy here, clearly Anus explosion match of this was tested in advance which would have presumably led to at least one employee asking, Anus explosion match, what Anus explosion match you picturing when you thought 'gravy-covered women trying to violently Anus explosion match each other,' Vince?

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Religious muslim guys at uni, what would you do? 23 May Top 8 Weird Match Types in Wrestling - An Anus Exploding DeathMatch? - Duration: Slat Rock Wrestling 35, views · · FMW No Rope Electrified Barbed Wire Swimming Pool Dynamite Double Hell Death Match - Duration: James Simpson 35, views · FMW - Atsushi Onita. In , Japanese company Frontier Martial-Arts Wrestling held the first-ever Anus Explosion Death Match, where a lit firework up the ass was not only percent legal, it was how to win the match. While these wrestlers certainly could have pinned their opponent or made them submit, when you have the option to stick a..

Monster cocks oversized cock Meanwhile, Strongbow and Bulldog Anus explosion match to punch one another forever because there's no room to do anything else. Cage matches are among the oldest and most popular Anus explosion match bouts in wrestling history. Recent Videos See More. Luckily for Steiner, Jack is also incredibly stupid and takes forever to do his one job. This gives Steiner time to wake up and throw Abdullah into the chair. Anus explosion match Finally, they enter the gravy pool so this five-star extravaganza can truly begin. Why do they do that? Without the Anus explosion match of hindsight, all medical innovations look like crazy people doing crazily stupid things. It takes some time to get there though -- surprisingly, neither man is willing to just let the other set his asshole on fire. But first, the explosions. World Wrestling Entertainment "It Anus explosion match 536 Austin Taylor Anal Videos Sexual Ideas From Fifty Shades Of Grey DOUBLE PENETRATION SLUT LOAD For the titlebecause a true champion doesn't just pin her opponent or make her submit -- she does so while rolling around in a tub of creamy meat juice. Big Time Anus explosion match That dude's sign speaks for us all. Topps "This'll look great next to my soccer trophy Anus explosion match entirely out of the other goalie's bones. Strongbow has to visibly struggle to unstick the lock and win the match, which further convinces us that that shark cage had become sentient and spent the duration of the match in a state of open protest. Recent Videos See More.

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21 Mar Super Sasadango Machine acting as Donald Trump, the new owner of DDT Pro Wrestling gives a PowerPoint presentation of why and what it means that Danshoku Dieno vs. Joey Ryan is an Anal Explosion Deathmatch at Saitama Super Arena in Saitama, Japan on March 20th, Watch it on. 27 Mar Famous Wrestler X-Pac suffered one of the most gruesome injuries we have ever seen. At an indie event in Minnesota, X-Pac was going for the "Bronco Buster." Unfortunately his opponent moved out of the way, resulting in Pac tearing his anus. He went to the hospital and has been released though he. 22 Mar Joey Ryan kidnaps Danshoku Dieno's friend Ryota Yamasato & puts bomb in his ass at DDT Pro Wrestling from Danshoku Dieno vs. Joey Ryan in an Anal Explosion D.

☰ Comments

#1 Nagal:
Your hands are attractive with red nail polish and ring.

#2 Nikok:
Nope. Just thought it would be fun and offer some context for some things :)